Adventure to Suicide Bridge (Md)

"That vondruke!" – Jenna from 30 Rock

"Really? You're blaming me for winter?!" – Liz Lemon from 30 Rock

If you don't watch 30 Rock, you are missing out. 

Today was the day that me, my friend Lauren and my brother Joshua all went on a mini adventure to the Suicide Bridge over near Secretary, Maryland. You might ask "why? Why exactly?" Well, because ever since I learned about this place called Suicide Bridge, I have wanted "to go to there." omg I have to stop typing like I think. Anyway, we went there and it was not that far away. 

Having set the GPS to "Hurlock, Suicide Bridge Road" and not exactly having the location on hand, we were surprised when we crossed this itty bitty bridge that I immediately assumed that THIS was the infamous bridge. And, my suspicions were confirmed when the GPS woman readily exclaimed "You have arrived!" but, alas, it was not really true. Lauren and Josh didn't believe it so we ventured on, driving down Suicide Bridge Road until we finally saw the "Suicide Bridge" sign. It was like a sign from the big G.O.D. but in a less dramatic way and there weren't any famous historical figures pointing at it — or maybe I just missed that?

As soon as we got out of the car, we saw a bunch of cats and kittens. Too adorable but probably feral. Probably. They were definitely scared of us and disappeared under the planks of the dock even though we considered catching a duck and luring one of them out. 

The story of Suicide Bridge is, according to the Suicide Bridge Restaurant's (probably fake) history on their website (and on their incredibly informative menu) is:

The Legend of Suicide Bridge

SECRETARY, Md. — The first victim of Suicide Bridge was a postmaster from Hurlock, who shot himself and then fell into the water of Cabin Creek. 

The second victim was a farmer who also shot himself and fell into the swirling waters of the Dorchester County Creek. 

Next was a man who some say willfully dove off the bridge, while others say he met with foul play. Pete Moxey, a lifelong resident of the area, was eight or nine years old when it happened. 

"It's the first one I remember. A fellow they called "Frog". He was black, short and stocky. They claimed he jumped off the bridge and hit his head on the piling. But the word was going around there was foul play in it. I don't know," the 60 year-old Mr. Moxey said.

He remembers that once the body was found, "they put him on a table over there in a picnic area and did an autopsy, right out in the open." Mr. Moxey, however, was sent home before the autopsy was performed. 

The original bridge was a wooden structure built around 1888. The second bridge, also wooden and only one lane, was built around 1910. The third bridge which is also wooden but covered with asphalt, was built in 1967 and dedicated in January 1968. Local residents apparently have always called it Suicide Bridge. The current bridge was completly rebuilt and reopened in 2005. 

See? Doesn't it sound fishy? We did not notice anyone attempting to jump off of the bridge and, if you see the pictures, nobody would've died from that fall into the Choptank River unless they didn't know how to swim because really? really? That bridge is not a suicide bridge. At least not in the lethal sense. lol.

Joshua kept pointing at floating objects (and sometimes ducks) that he claimed were undiscovered bodies and it took quite a bit of convincing to get him to understand that they weren't bodies. He fed the ducks "suicide corn" which was readily available from the dispensary outside of the restaurant which was only a 25 cent investment in culling the duck population. Actually, I don't think that is a real problem… I just got them confused with the large geese (and feral cat) population problem we Marylanders have.

At the end of the adventure, I asked Joshua to take a picture of me under the big fish. What I meant was under the sign which had a fish under it. Joshua took a picture of just me and the fish which ends up proving that I was never at the Suicide Bridge Restaurant which is a shame. Mostly because I really wanted to add it to my imaginary scrapbook. For real.

Verdict:
I recommend visiting that wondrous place called Suicide Bridge and therefore the restaurant mostly because the Snicker Blitz Pie is amazing. When I own a restaurant/cafe, I will make everything on the menu have the ending of "pie" because Cream of Crab Pie sounds delicious. Everyone loves pie.

SHOUTOUT: Read Joshua's blog for hilarity purposes.

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