DreamWorks Turning View-Master Toy Into Movie, And I Can’t Add A Joke To That

via Best Week Ever by Dan Hopper on 7/7/09


51085768TB005_viewmasterI have no idea what to add to this article to make it more ridiculous. Each sentence makes less sense than the one before it, and the one after it, somehow, which is impossible, but this whole thing is impossible, and I don’t know what to even think is possible to believe it’s…I…the…it…

THEY’RE MAKING A MOVIE ABOUT THE FRICKIN’ VIEW-FINDER TOY:

Remember View-Master, the Fisher-Price toy with those little 3D picture discs of mountains, rivers and caverns that you could rotate through a viewfinder? Well, DreamWorks is in negotiations to acquire movie rights to the toy from Mattel (which owns Fisher-Price) and has asked Alex Kurtzman and Roberto Orci to do some “Transformers”-style magic on it.

Brad Caleb Kane, who worked as a writer-producer on the duo’s Fox series “Fringe,” is on board to write the screenplay. Kurtzman and Orci would produce.

Story specifics are being kept under wraps, though Kane, who tweeted his involvement during the holiday weekend, said, “It’ll be like the old ’80s Amblin movies: ‘Goonies,’ ‘Young Sherlock’ … in that vein.”

I once wrote a post about turning ridiculous toys into movies that I thought was a joke at the time, but now realize wasn’t even 5% as exaggerated as the current real-life toys-to-movies Hollywood process.

Do some “Transformers-style magic”? With a View-Finder??? Are giant CGI’d robot toddlers gonna discover a magic box that shows 10 pictures of the Smurfs in kind-of 3-D then hurts their eyes slightly? How any of this anything??

I was going to conclude this post with some jokey, “What’s next, RUBIX CUBE: The Movie?” but there’s no toy I could throw into that blank that would make considerably less sense than a View-Finder, which is actually happening.

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